They wanted to see how long until i said "Fuck it" well you know what.... FUCK IT

the first blog i had was great. cute is more like it. i said how i was feeling, who was helping me get through and how things were going. Who wants to read that?! Not me for one.
 I watched Harriet The Spy the other day, which used to be one of my favorite movies as a little girl- I'm currently inspired. Not to mention the fact that i let 2  men into my heart and now I've ended up possibly losing them both, have become 4 pounds lighter and hours of sleepless days later have come to realize... I need to write.
Not write and put people on blast, don't worry your names will be PROTECTED, but write and give my insight into what happens with my life experiences. My best friend told me that my life should be a reality show because some of the things that happen to me are too unreal to believe... Thanks Maham.
I keep my emotions and thoughts to myself alot, and they end up spilling out of me in little bits and pieces, the end result being a bewildered stare from the person I'm talking to. So i think this will be easier since i get overloaded quite alot these days.

So lets get something straight:
1) I am responsible for everything i put on here. Your the one reading... You don't like it, throw your computer out the window.
2) I am a Christian, but that doesn't mean i don't have my struggles. Scripture says to be Christ-MINDED. well....my mind wanders..alot. Jesus knows my heart and everyday I'm working on being a better person, but that doesn't mean u cant still get caught up sometimes.
3) Life is funny.

SOOO..... now that we have the ground rules established lets talk about me! That's why were here after all... were not discussing politics or the latest fashion trend. unless i see a "faux-pau" from some idiot walking down the street, which is quite often actually...
Anyway! focus! i dress according to how i feel. I cleaned out my closet one day and i must have been feeling pretty down bc all i left was blacks browns beige's and creams... a light precipitation of color slipped by.. So I'm currently rebuilding the color sector of Ground Zero Fashion Closet. Today i am wearing neutrals, why? GOOD JOB BOYS AND GIRLS! I FEEL-neutral.
Poop is a better explanation.
Lack of sleep from a horrible dream (we will not talk of) and not being able to keep anything in my tummy too much.
Why am i in this current state?
Bc i feel Neutral... lack of sleep has me irritable, period soon to start so I'm cranky, sad bc i messed up my social aspect so that cancels out the cranky and thankful i woke up today so thankful and irritable cancel each other out which= Neutral.

So the recent lesson of the month seems to be Self-Control and Patience.
I speak my mind which is very good and very bad. I'm always going to tell u how i feel but then i also sometimes share too much. By encountering someone from another country it has helped me see how I am as a person. I see alot of things that others don't BUT from my recent events i have learned that sharing everything isn't always the best. Sometimes thinking a situation through and truly exploring whats best for u can be the best option. I didn't do that. I decided to be noble and throw my feelings on the floor and hoped they landed where they were supposed to.  Being adult and handling the situation maturely instead of letting it spiral out of control should be how we handle things.
(But then there would be no such thing as reality TV right?)
In life we cant go through using and abusing things because we think its ok and noble. Be smart. My cousin told me you should never allow 2 men into your heart at the same time. You also cant help who you fall in love with.
Point is once u make your bed now you have to lie in it, so u could either "spread your bed nicely" like my dad says or just throw everything on the bed and pray it will smooth things out eventually. Either way don't do it haphazardly. Yes your emotions will drive you Nutz! LOOK AT ME! but rational thinking is the best route to go. I'm not taking back anything i said to anyone but if i could have gone about some of the situations in my life differently. I would.
The funny thing about being honest is it doesn't matter how much u can pour your soul to someone or tell them when u hate a white polo that they wear, or say that someones friend is using them. Once you LIE, it all goes out the window. My Dad tells me that your word is all you have. And he is right. Keep your word with others, if you mess up and they forgive u learn from that mistake the first time, don't ask for a repeat.
My mother tells me learn from her experiences so i don't have to make the same ones and I'm saying the same to u.
THINK AND THEN ACT.
Love as though you have never loved before, be honest and true, and don't let others actions dictate your future.